when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
