College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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