omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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