I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
