you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you win again, gameday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
