dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
