I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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