I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
foreskin is a definite game changer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
