i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
