hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
