I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
