it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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