the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
