homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
