Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
