Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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