Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
