We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
