i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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