I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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