Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
