dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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