Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
