there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
