I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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