Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
