Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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