Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
