I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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