Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
