every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
