I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize