just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you inspire me to be a worse person
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
