Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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