Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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