why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
