Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
