You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
