I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
