is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Congratulations! We have a period
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