remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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