She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
