96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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