I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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