Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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