all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
