I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
