I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
