Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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