He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
