naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
