I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
