I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
