At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
