this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
