I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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