I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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