Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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