I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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