I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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