2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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