She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
