Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
