Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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