Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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