I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
