trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
