tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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