i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
